Our Special Little Ninja
by FrowningSmiles
Summary: Pure crack-fic. The turtle gang and allies create a list to try and contain their "special" nun-chuck using ninja. But maybe their giving him too little credit? How far will it go?
1. The Beginning

It was another day of the thick scent of sewer water and pizza. Master Splinter was watching another soap show, Casey was begging him to change it to wrestling, April was cleaning muttering something about five males living together with its mess and three of the mutant turtles were chasing their youngest brother as he laughed manically. Same old, same old.

After lots of careful maneuvering, Mikey dashed into his room and locked the door behind him. His brothers banged on the door angrily, but he just laughed. Once he pushed his arcade machine in front of the door, he walked over to his bed to get some drawing down. He noticed a jumble of papers sitting on the bed and prepared to doodle on them as was the fate of all the paper's he found. As he prepared an old pen to scribble on the piece of paper, large green letters glared up at him, and caught his eyes.

* * *

**Read This Blockhead!**

1. I may not fall asleep during meditation because it's boring, I must remember that this isn't a good reason.

2. I'm not allowed to jump through man holes yelling 'death from above.'

3. I'm not allowed to threaten Master Splinter with rodent killer when he's watching soaps.

4. Nor may I do so if I actually have some.

5. I am not allowed to fry eggs on Raph, because he is a 'hot head.'

6. Nor may I try bacon

7. I am not allowed to cuddle Usagi, I must remember that he is a samurai.

8. I'm not allowed to call him 'Roger Rabbit' or 'Peter Cottontail.'

9. I am not allowed to Hun 'Scarface'

10. When Leo is meditating, I am not allowed to hum; they only do that in the movies.

11. The proper response to being summoned by Master Splinter is "yes, sensei' not 'you can't prove a thing!'

12. I am not allowed to take Master Splinter's staff and hit Raph with it; that's his job, not mine.

13. I'm not allowed to lick my pizza for 'protection.'

14. I must not answer why questions with 'because I'm Mikey' this isn't a valid reason.

15. I can't go into Donnie's lab and say 'what does this do' before pressing random buttons.

16. I may not take things from Donnie's lab and mix them in Raph's food to see what happens.

17. I'm not allowed to sing incredibly off key ever again.

18. Or say "my bad, let me try again" and repeat the song _all day._

19. When Master Splinter is giving lectures I am not allowed to cover my ears and say 'la la la I can't hear you.'

20. I'm not allowed to make shadow puppets of animals on the wall of Splinter's meditation room.

21. Especially if it's a bug and Raph is nearby.

22. "Follow the smell of pizza' is not good directions; I must stop telling April this.

23. We may have been mutated by mutagen but I can't call it "mommy."

24. Nor may I complain to it when Raph is bullying me.

25. "You're an idiot' isn't a compliment and I must not thank the speaker for it.

26. I'm not allowed to send Shredder my old doodles so he can 'dispose' of them for me.

27. I'm not allowed to marry pizza, no matter what type it is.

28. I can't legally marry it either.

29. I'm not allowed to scream or throw a fit when Leo finds my pizza wife.

30. I can't stare longingly at pizza when Leo eats it and say that he isn't good enough for her.

31. We are turtles therefore we don't wear clothes; I must stop telling my brothers to cover their shame.

32. I can't paint Leo's headband purple and Donnie's blue, this is childish and they don't switch roles.

33. I can't wish on Silver Sentry when he flies by; he's not a shooting star.

34. I'm not allowed to spoil the plot of Splinter's soaps.

35. Nor may I snap my fingers and say 'oh she went there' when a female is on the soaps.

36. I am not allowed to eat copious amounts of sugar…_ever_

37. I must also not consume ungodly amounts of pizza ever again, no wants to repeat the Pizza Massacre.

38. I am not allowed to flirt with April, she is married to Casey.

39. I can't say 'if you were a pizza…you would be a good pizza' as a pick-up line.

40. When Leo is knocking at my door when I'm asleep and yelling at me to open the door I may not reply 'no you'll yell at me.'

41. I can't bet on who will win with Leonardo and the toaster, I must remember that Leonardo is greatly outmatched

42. If I find a bruised piece of pizza in a box, I am not allowed to hug it and whisper 'who did this to you?'

43. I'm not allowed to say 'honey, you couldn't afford it' when purple dragons threaten ransom

44. I am not allowed to doodle on Raph's face at night.

45. Especially if I write 'artwork by Donnatello."

46. My name is Michelangelo, or Mikey, not 'the pretty one.'

47. I am not allowed to use Raph's sais as thumbtacks.

48. Especially if it's to post pictures from bug magazines.

49. I may never 'fix' things again.

50. I may not sing 'can't touch this' when I'm fight Leo, but more importantly Raph, if I wish to live.

51. I'm not allowed to put on April's lipstick and then complain it's 'not my shade.'

52. I can't rename my brothers.

53. Especially if I do so to be number one.

54. When Donnie says 'no,' it means I am not allowed to touch the red button.

55. Master Splinter's kimono isn't a napkin; I must stop wiping my face on it.

56. The Kraang may be brains, but I can't expect them to answer all of my life questions.

57. Just because Donnie is smart doesn't mean he should date a Kraang, I must stop suggesting this.

58. I may not stare at Leo practicing for hours and say it's because his swords are 'shiny.'

59. I'm never allowed to say 'nice sword' to Leo, even if I am really referring to his swords.

60. I can't count my toes as votes for pizza toppings.

61. Nor may I stick them into the pizza so I'm the only one who will eat it.

62. Just because I named my fighting style 'hot nun-chuck fury' doesn't mean I need to make sizzling sounds whenever they hit someone.

63. And I may not comment that the sound reminds me of bacon.

64. I am never allowed to recommend Halloween costumes to Casey ever again.

65. Mainly if it involves him running around with a chain saw.

66. During training, I am not allowed to play connect the freckles.

67. Especially with the ones under my shell.

68. Not every problem can be solved with pizza.

69. Nor is the solution insulting Raph.

70. The answer isn't 80.

71. I may not motivate Leo to get his fear of heights by pushing him off a building.

72. Particularly when Karai is watching.

73. I may not sing "I believe I can fly" when roof jumping.

74. I can't hold Splinter's staff hostage.

75. Or say it has plans to dominate the world.

76. I can never do Casey's laundry again. Not even Casey looks good in pink.

77. I can't hold a grudge against raisin cookies, because I thought they were chocolate.

78. Donnie's staff isn't a back scratcher; I must stop stealing it and using it as such.

79. Nor may I use it to poke Raph.

80. Especially if he's in a bad mood.

81. If April has salad when the rest of us eat pizza I must not comment 'ordering salad? Watching your figure there?"

82. I must not encourage Raph to become more feminine, he's already a drama queen.

83. I can'to set up blindates for the the trieceratons no one wants then to visit anyway.

84. Nor may the dates be with dinosaur bones.

85. I am not allowed to say "mines longer" when referring to my headband ever again.

86. Even if I'm actually referring to my headband.

87. Even if Donnie and April would look cute together doesn't mean I shove their faces together and say "now kiss."

88. Nor may I make kissing noises while doing this.

89. Just because my brothers are being nice doesn't mean that they are possessed.

90. Nor may I think that they are under my control and say "dance, puppets, dance."

91. Pizza is not life. I must stop hastaging this in the sewers.

92. Nor may I write "Raph has no swag" on the walls.

93. I cant stare at Leo and then giggle randomly.

94. I may not write love letters from turtle to turtle.

95. Especially from Raph to Leo.

96. Or Leo to Raph.

97. I must never stay up all night watching movies.

98. Nor may I drink coffee the next day for energy.

99. I may never change the coffee to decaf.

100. Or spike the coffee.

101. I may not throw up on anyone.

102. Yes, even way they ask what algae and worms taste like.

103. I may not throw Foot Ninjas in their own cells no matter how twisted they are.

104. I'm not allowed to rip open peoples shirts to see if they are Utroms.

105. Especially if they are beautiful females.

106. TCRI doesn't stand for Turtles Cooking Rodent Impostors.

107. When people call me a freak I must not ask of they own a mirror.

108. Im not allowed to ask "why do turtles have shells" during training.

109. Nor at 2:00 am.

110. I am not allowed to ask Donnie to make drugs.

111. Nor may I offer to buy it off him.

112. I'm not allowed to slip in random facts about Klunk during night runs.

113. Nor may I interrupt Leo's directions to talk abut Klunk.

114. In fact, I am not allowed to talk about Klunk unless someone else brings him up first.

115. I am not allowed to link strange objects to see if their poisonous.

116. Nor to check if it's pizza in disguise.

117. Pepperoni cant predict the future I must stop saying this.

118. Nor may I claim the "mutated one" told me Raph is hiding chocolate.

119. Especially if its the chocolate he stole from Master Splinter.

120. I may never yell "dudes, watch this" ever again.

121. Usgai isn't a magic rabbit, I must stop putting him in hats.

122. Nor may I hide the yogurt because he will steal it.

123. If Usagi is eating yogurt I may not say "silly rabbit. Trixs are for turtles!"

124. I am not allowed to chase Raph claiming he needs a hug.

125. Im not allowed to put white make up on and make ghost sounds.

126. Actually I'm not allowed near any beauty products.

127. I am not allowed to be picky about food; I live in a sewer.

128. I am never allowed to splash in sewer water ever again.

129. I can't name my freckles and quiz everyone on their names on Fridays

130. Nor may I have pop quizzes.

* * *

Mikey was horrified by the list. Was this for real? His fears were confirmed when he saw their signatures, even the ones of Usagi.

And whats this about not bringing up Klunk?! No sir, Mikey was free to talk about Klunk all the time. That was the beauty of a free country. His none exsistant eye brows furrowed. He wasnt so sure that the bug posters were such a good idea after Raph's reaction.

But ,with childish glee, the youngest turtle realized that many of the things he usually did werent listed on the sheet.

"Mikey you are the turtle!" And with an evil smile, he got to work.


	2. Prankenstien Strikes Back!

**Glad everyone loved the first chapter as much as I did! Private message me if you want to add something or have any suggestions. You can also leave them in the reveiews! Again, thank you for following or favoriting my story, it means a lot to me! **

* * *

It was an early morning for a certain genius turtle. It had been a long night filled with inventions and yes, chasing Mikey around the lair when he held something very dangerous in his untrustworthy hands. He had stopped to catch his breath near the kitchen, where his other two brothers sat quietly and snacked on leftover sugar oats (the one's Mikey hadn't poured on his pizza) when he saw it. He blinked, before a small grin appeared on his features and he gave a gentle tug to the list of restrictions. He wished then that he could have seen his reaction, but what he wasn't expecting were six little words that turned his green skin pale.

_Two can play at that game._

He shook his head as he began to laugh. His brothers glanced at one another before looking at him like he had lobsters growing out of his invisible ears.

"Hey, guys. Ready to begin again?" He waved the paper in the air and the two other brothers grinned in return. They both pulled pens from their belts and two loud clicks rang through the lair.

"Let's get to work, gentlemen." Leo smiled and the three brothers rattled off ideas to one another.

"I got to hand it to Mikey," Raph began, clicking the pen over and over. "He's pretty smart with some of these." He looked at his brothers with a stupefied expression. "Did I just say that?"

* * *

131. I may not dress in a bunny suit.

132. This doesn't make me the Easter bunny, so I must not hide eggs for everyone to find.

133. Especially if I don't tell them about it.

134. I must not wear April's clothes and dance around the lair singing "_I feel so pretty."_

135. I may not initiate pillow fights.

136. Especially if I put my nun-chucks in them.

137. I may not name a man hole "love" and see how many people fall into it.

138. I can't "edit" the pizza toppings list.

139. I can not kick open doors; that's what doors are for.

140. I am not allowed to run around the lair with Leo's swords, this is very dangerous.

141. I must stop hiding in the kitchen.

142. I am not a doctor, I must stop telling Leo to drink the "orange goop" when he is sick.

143. I am not allowed to wave my hand in front of Foot Ninjas and say "these are not the turtles you are looking for."

144. Nor am I allowed to say "these **are** the turtles you are looking for."

145. I am not allowed to make a nude group with my brothers.

146. Nor am I allowed to invite April to join.

147. Or tell Casey this.

148. Just because Silver Sentry likes cookies doesn't mean I need to keep giving them to him, he can't save the world when he can't even fly.

149. "Whack-a-rat" isn't a real game, and I must stop telling my brothers to play this with me.

150. Especially if I want Splinter to be an example.

151. Raph is not cheating on Leo with Donnie.

152. Leo is not cheating on Raph with Donnie.

153. They are not a threesome, I must stop suggesting this.

154. "Mikeyianity" isn't a religion, I must stop saying this.

155. Nor may I say that Mondays are all-you-can-eat-pizza days.

156. "A buttload", "a bucket full," "shitload" and "tons" aren't numbers.

157. I'm not allergic to bath water. I must remember that I live in a sewer and therefore, I smell like shit.

158. Getting Klunk cat nip isn't my top priority when were doing night training.

159. Not allowed to get high from sewer water.

160. Not allergic to tooth paste.

161. "No" isn't an answer to the question "Do you know what time it is?!"

162. Not allowed to post posters on the walls of the surface asking people if they have seen my brain.

163. Nor can I post posters asking for Raph's common sense.

164. "I'm Raph, look at my muscles" should not be my response to what happened on the surface.

165. I'm a turtle so I'm going to be naked, this doesn't qualify as going commando.

166. I may not ask April or any other female we know to join me.

167. I may not write "Mikey's one cool dude" on the walls in alleys.

168. I'm not a pretty princess. Enough said.

169. I'm not a princess at all actually.

170. I may not refer to my own muscles as "my guns."

171. I may not randomly attack Raph when he's asleep to "stay in shape."

172. Just because I love comics doesn't mean I am a comic book character: I will not fly or go through walls.

173. I may not attempt to fly, especially if I make Raph my land pad.

174. I must not ask Leo is he has swords because he is compensating for something.

175. Not allowed to talk with my farts.

176. Random gibberish isn't a language either.

177. I may not refer to pizza as "my precious."

178. Just because my head band is orange doesn't mean I smell like oranges.

179. I must stop asking April to check my scent, especially if Casey is nearby.

180. Making a finger gun and going "pew, pew" doesn't harm people.

181. I can't use stolen money from Purple Dragons to buy a pony.

182. I may not encourage Raph. **Ever.**

183. Just because I'm holding Splinter's staff that doesn't make me the sensei of the day.

184. Nor may I decree that our first training session will be scrubbing my feet.

185. Wrenches can't fix all my problems, I must stop trying to use it to open doors.

186. Breaking Donnie's computer isn't the fastest way to get him to see me.

187. When I'm trying to get everyone's attention I may not say, "Listen up fives. A ten is speaking."

188. "Live every week like it's shark week" isn't good advice.

189. "I'm not on crack! I'm straight up mentally ill!" still isn't a good excuse when people ask me if I'm on drugs.

190. Being green isn't the reason April isn't interested in me, I must stop calling her a racist.

191. The Utrom are our allies I must stop asking them if they taste better with low or regular sodium soy sauce.

192. Nor may I offer to take them to dinner and make it Japanese.

193. I can read. I must not pretend otherwise.

194. I may not befriend a bug worshiping cult and bring Raph to a ritual.

195. I am forbidden to go within 12 feet of Donnie's lab.

196. A good battle plan isn't "run in and see what happens."

197. Leave it to luck also isn't a good battle plan.

198. My job isn't to "eat pizza and entertain."

199. Flexing my muscles in the mirror doesn't make me "sexy."

200. The voices in my head aren't going to make me disobey Leo.

201. Nor are they telling me to hit Raph.

202. We do not "eat the flesh of our defeated foes", this just scares off all the foot ninjas.

203. Nor do we "harvest organs" to become stronger.

204. Pizza is not a hangover helper, I must stop saying this.

205. Saying I was raised by a rat doesn't give me an excuse to chatter my teeth and bite people.

206. My bandanna is not edible.

207. Nor may I refer to it as my emergency snack.


End file.
